I was just reading a thought-provoking article my friend Andy Webb pointed me to today. The author gives some common-sense advice about avoiding sexual sin or even the appearance of impropriety in ministry. There were several things I agreed with like:
- Do not be in your office/church alone with a woman, or
- Do not make pastoral visits alone.
Given the increasing amount of homosexual sin in our culture, that's probably good advice regardless of gender.
Still, a pastor, whose job security (and yes, that is what we are talking about among other things) is tied to his character, has to build wall. He has to build them for the sake of his relationship with the Lord and his wife as well. But one area I am not sure I agreed with was the blanket statement, "Do not hug women." Andy, who is a Brit--need I say more? :p --agreed here, but I am not sure that I do. Completely.
To begin with, we have to deal frankly with the fact that Paul in no less than FOUR places commands believers to greet one another with a "holy kiss." (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; and 1 Thessalonians 5:26) Historically, the holy kiss fell out of use early on, likely because it stopped being holy. Still, we do have to wrestle with what Paul was commanding, especially since the Holy Spirit had him repeat the command not once or twice but three times.
I believe the repetition of the command to three different congregations indicate that we cannot simply dismiss it as something that was culturally unique to Corinth (he commanded them twice--probably because if ever there was a church that needed some interpersonal warmth, it was Corinth!). So, we have the command. How do we apply it? I think there we can make some cultural modifications.
It is important to remember that even today in the Near East and even in some parts of Europe it is not unusual for men to kiss one another in greeting. Admittedly it is on the cheek...sometimes both...but it is still kissing? What are they accomplishing in so doing? Simply that they are expressing the kind of warmth and affection that is befitting those in a close relationship. Obviously there is kissing and there is KISSING. What Paul was commending was not in anyway sexual, but he is commending physical contact. That cannot be ignored.
Why touch at all? Because God made us physical creatures. We are made to touch and be touched. God, in his condescension, has touched us physically in his Son. Consider how often the gospels make a point of stressing physical contact with Christ:
Matthew 8:3 "And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched [the leper], saying, 'I will; be clean.' And immediately his leprosy was cleansed."
Matthew 8:15 "[Jesus] touched [Peter's mother-in-law's] hand, and the fever left her, and she rose and began to serve him."
Matthew 9:29 "Then [Jesus] touched [the blind men's] eyes, saying, 'According to your faith be it done to you.'"
Matthew 17:7 "But Jesus came and touched [the disciples], saying, 'Rise, and have no fear.'"
Matthew 20:34 "And Jesus in pity touched [the blind men's] eyes, and immediately they recovered their sight and followed him."
Mark 1:41 "Moved with pity, [Jesus] stretched out his hand and touched [the leper] and said to him, 'I will; be clean.'"
Mark 7:33 "And taking [the deaf/mute] aside from the crowd privately, [Jeusus] put his fingers into his ears, and after spitting touched his tongue."
Mark 10:13 "And [the crowds] were bringing children to [Jesus] that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them."
Luke 5:13 "And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, 'I will; be clean.' And immediately the leprosy left him."
Luke 7:38 "And standing behind Jesus at his feet, weeping, [the sinful woman] began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment." Here it is important to note that he did not reject either the touches or kisses (!) of a woman, despite the fact that his tacit permission caused a scandal! (c.f. verse 39)
Luke 18:15 "Now [the crowds] were bringing even infants to [Jesus] that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them."
Luke 22:51 "But Jesus said, 'No more of this!' And he touched [the high priest's servant's] ear and healed him."
Luke 24:39 "See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me, and see. For a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." Here Jesus invites the touch of his disciples.
While some might correctly object that these were the actions of the Savior, who was without sin, it is worth noting three things:
To begin with, we have to deal frankly with the fact that Paul in no less than FOUR places commands believers to greet one another with a "holy kiss." (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; and 1 Thessalonians 5:26) Historically, the holy kiss fell out of use early on, likely because it stopped being holy. Still, we do have to wrestle with what Paul was commanding, especially since the Holy Spirit had him repeat the command not once or twice but three times.
I believe the repetition of the command to three different congregations indicate that we cannot simply dismiss it as something that was culturally unique to Corinth (he commanded them twice--probably because if ever there was a church that needed some interpersonal warmth, it was Corinth!). So, we have the command. How do we apply it? I think there we can make some cultural modifications.
It is important to remember that even today in the Near East and even in some parts of Europe it is not unusual for men to kiss one another in greeting. Admittedly it is on the cheek...sometimes both...but it is still kissing? What are they accomplishing in so doing? Simply that they are expressing the kind of warmth and affection that is befitting those in a close relationship. Obviously there is kissing and there is KISSING. What Paul was commending was not in anyway sexual, but he is commending physical contact. That cannot be ignored.
Why touch at all? Because God made us physical creatures. We are made to touch and be touched. God, in his condescension, has touched us physically in his Son. Consider how often the gospels make a point of stressing physical contact with Christ:
Matthew 8:3 "And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched [the leper], saying, 'I will; be clean.' And immediately his leprosy was cleansed."
Matthew 8:15 "[Jesus] touched [Peter's mother-in-law's] hand, and the fever left her, and she rose and began to serve him."
Matthew 9:29 "Then [Jesus] touched [the blind men's] eyes, saying, 'According to your faith be it done to you.'"
Matthew 17:7 "But Jesus came and touched [the disciples], saying, 'Rise, and have no fear.'"
Matthew 20:34 "And Jesus in pity touched [the blind men's] eyes, and immediately they recovered their sight and followed him."
Mark 1:41 "Moved with pity, [Jesus] stretched out his hand and touched [the leper] and said to him, 'I will; be clean.'"
Mark 7:33 "And taking [the deaf/mute] aside from the crowd privately, [Jeusus] put his fingers into his ears, and after spitting touched his tongue."
Mark 10:13 "And [the crowds] were bringing children to [Jesus] that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them."
Luke 5:13 "And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, 'I will; be clean.' And immediately the leprosy left him."
Luke 7:38 "And standing behind Jesus at his feet, weeping, [the sinful woman] began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment." Here it is important to note that he did not reject either the touches or kisses (!) of a woman, despite the fact that his tacit permission caused a scandal! (c.f. verse 39)
Luke 18:15 "Now [the crowds] were bringing even infants to [Jesus] that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them."
Luke 22:51 "But Jesus said, 'No more of this!' And he touched [the high priest's servant's] ear and healed him."
Luke 24:39 "See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me, and see. For a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." Here Jesus invites the touch of his disciples.
While some might correctly object that these were the actions of the Savior, who was without sin, it is worth noting three things:
- An incarnational ministry is a physical ministry.
- Like it or not, we are commanded to touch one another.
- In order to be obedient the Scriptures and follow the example of the Savior, we have to figure out how to make touching a part of our ministries without being a stumbling block to it.
How? Let me suggest that we apply the command in a warm and culturally relevant way. This might mean I simply offer a warm handshake with a friendly smile. (I'm a big believer in the two-handed handshake with those who prefer it.) There are men in my congregation who would recoil in HORROR if I tried to hug them. In that case it would be inappropriate. I believe it would also be inappropriate to withhold a simple gesture of affection from those would benefit from it. A chaste hug--you know what I mean--can communicate and fulfill the kind of warmth required by the Scriptures. Such contact, IMO, should be welcomed by all parties involved (including onlooking spouses) before being engaged in.
As far as men hugging women and vice versa is concerned, to refrain from hugging simply because of gender differences is probably not the most valid of reasons. Given our fallen natures and culture, a hug between two men or two women could be interpreted just as sexually as that between heterosexual huggers.
Here is the bottom line as I see it. We have to find a way to obey the Scriptures and communicate warmth and affection in a physical but chaste way, be it a handshake or a hug. Let's not be to quick to dismiss all touching as dangerous. The Lord and the apostles didn't.
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